Harmony Gourson, a former surrogate and client of Tsong Law Group, openly shares her surrogacy journey on her online Tik Tok, Facebook, Instagram, and Youtube audience to bring insight into a niche topic. We represented Harmony in her first journey with Chinese Intended Parents. In our latest interview, Harmony shares her first interests in being a surrogate, the challenges with dating, joyful memories, and personal moments that defined her experience. She hopes that she can educate potential surrogates or those unaware of the option with her platform and past experiences.
1. How did you decide to do surrogacy?
I always knew that I wanted to be a surrogate since I was younger. I had a teacher who tried to be a surrogate for her friend and I just thought it was the coolest thing that she could help her friend by carrying her baby. That was kind of what first put the idea in my head. When I was about 24, I felt it in my heart to do it.
2. What were you looking for when you chose your agency?
I wasn't really looking for a specific agency since I was just looking to be a surrogate. I had just seen my friend do surrogacy so I asked her where she did it. She sent me the agency and that's the agency I went with so I didn't do any research or ask any questions. I applied and got pushed through the process. If I were to do it again now, I would ask when they first became an agency. That's a big question and it might seem a little bit random, but I think it's a good way to look at how many cases they've had, how they've handled them, and how many case managers they have. Your experience will depend if you go with an agency that has 40+ applications a month versus an agency that has maybe five applications a month.
3. Did you kind of know which IPs you wanted to work with?
Looking back, I didn't ask any questions. All I knew was I wanted to have a good relationship with them and I wanted my son to meet them. Those were my only two requirements when it came to matching. You can have such a different experience depending on whether you have an agency or independent, whether you have a big or small agency. I had a good experience but a lot of people that I know didn't have the best experience. If I were to do it again, I would want parents who live here so that we can have just a different dynamic.
4. How was it like working with Chinese intended parents?
I didn't meet my first IPs until the day that I gave birth, which I thought was crazy. It ended up being fine but I wish that I would have met them prior to in the hospital when I gave birth. My last IPs for the journey that didn't work out, I met up with them and had dinner with them before my transfer. It was a different experience but I don't mind working with any race. I got to experience both a little bit and it was a more like close relationship that we created. When the transfer failed for my second journey, it just broke my heart so there were a lot more emotions even though it didn't end up progressing into a baby.
5. How did surrogacy affect dating?
My first journey I was single. People obviously don't really want to date somebody who's pregnant, especially with someone’s baby, so dating while you're actively pregnant is hard. I started dating my now husband and he was really supportive of me. He gave me a lot of support especially after the failed embryo transfer and was always on the same page from the very beginning. He thought that it was so cool that I was able to help people and he understood the whole process.
I really just think the biggest thing is if your partner is supportive of you through anything, then I'm sure that they'll be supportive of surrogacy. If you don't know what that process looks like, it's hard to really explain it to a partner. I think it was easier for me because I had already gone through it before, but if you've never gone through it, you're kind of going through it together. If they have a problem with it, then you shouldn't do it, because they might have valid concerns like “I'm not comfortable with you taking that risk” and so that has to be something that you both agree on, especially if you're married.
6. How did you explain to your child your surrogacy journey?
So he was almost five and I just waited until I was past the first trimester. I wanted to make sure that it was official before I explained it to him because he was so young and I didn't want to explain a miscarriage. I sat him down and told him, sometimes mommy's really want to be mommy’s but they're not able to so the doctor helps them and mommy’s, like me, carry the baby for them. Now he is almost 11 so if I were to do it again, I would just explain to him in a more mature conversation. I would explain how some people struggle to have babies because of infertility and some people just aren't as fortunate to have that experience so mommies help other mommies have babies. I would say if they are under three, then you wouldn't have to explain it.
It was really important for me that he met the baby so it wasn't just like I had a baby and then all the sudden the baby's gone. He got to meet the grandma and family and experience what their dynamic is with the baby and see the baby that I carried. I think that was good closure for him. He wrote on one of his school projects fun facts about you and one of the facts was like my mom had a Chinese baby. It was so funny when he brought home the thing.
7. What are some things you did during your surrogacy pregnancy that differed from your pregnancies?
I think the only thing really was traveling. I traveled more during my regular pregnancies than my surrogacy pregnancies. I did travel once with my surrogacy pregnancy to go see my grandma in Utah but that was pretty early in my pregnancy. I didn't travel at all at the end because I have really rough pregnancies with morning sickness, so I'm not really able to do much.
8. Did you intend your posts on surrogacy to go viral? How did it change things for you? How do you approach the more negative comments?
I started my YouTube channel in 2014 so I was very young. I started off by doing makeup tutorials and get ready with me for cheer. It was definitely cringe when I look back on some of the videos. I just loved making videos that was just something that I love doing and then I started sharing my surrogacy journey. Because I shared everything, it wasn't really weird because I had already been posting on social media a lot. I started sharing my experience as a surrogate and then my labor and delivery video started to go viral. The labor and delivery video got millions, I wasn't expecting that but it was cool to reach a different audience I guess.
It depends on when you ask me this question because I'm human. Obviously I get triggered by things and I’ve definitely responded to the negative comments. I've had to learn to just block and delete and it took me a really long time to get to this point. I still work on it every day when I get a negative comment, but I have to remember this is my platform for me to share my experience so I can talk about whatever I want. People want to come on my page and tell me, X Y and Z I can just block them because it's my page.
Conclusion
As our conversation with Harmony Gourson comes to an end, it’s clear that her journey as a surrogate was about creating lasting bonds and memories that will stay with her forever. Her openness offers valuable insights into the behind the scenes and rewards of surrogacy. Harmony’s story serves as a reminder of the power of compassion and the extraordinary ways we can support one another.
Who we are: Tsong Law Group are surrogacy lawyers licensed in California, New York, Illinois, Washington, Oklahoma, and Arizona. Ralph Tsong is a 3-time Super Lawyer and Fellow of the Academy of Adoption & Assisted Reproduction Attorneys (AAAA) and the Academy of California Adoption-ART Lawyers (ACAL). We represent surrogates, intended parents, and donors.
Please contact us for a free consultation if you are embarking on a surrogacy or gamete donation journey.
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